It’s been a rough few days. I’m tired of spending the first few hours of every day picking nits out of hair. (I’m writing this on Monday, pretending it’s Saturday for continuity’s sake, but my fatigue and attitude are most definitely inclusive of Sunday and Monday morning).
This afternoon (Saturday) we went to Nordstrom so I could buy a new bra. They still have the same bra I bought two two years go. Today, I bought one in the exact same size. Sigh. I know that the last two years of Health Group haven’t been a complete waste, but at this precise moment, it feels like they have.
The same size.
I’m always the same size.
It never changes, no matter what I do.
(The last two statements aren’t technically true, but it’s how I feel).
Now, I know that years ago, after the massive and rapid weight gain, but before the perpetual yet insufficient efforts to change, I was SO much worse off that I am now. I had no energy. No self esteem. And I couldn’t take a casual walk around the corner of the block from our apartment to church without being seriously winded.
(We’re not talking far, here. It was extremely pathetic).
I played softball a few weeks ago and didn’t die. It actually felt good. This is huge. This is worth it. I am healthier than I would have been if I hadn’t continued Health Group.
Why do I feel like such a loser?
The same size. The same bra.
I don’t think I have the heart to focus on weight loss for a little while, but I’m going to continue to try to be good to my body. To exercise it and make sure it gets the nutrients it needs. I may eat more calories than I should at times, but thanks to what I’ve learned from Calorie King, I can make sure that I at least give my body enough, and consistently.
Sorry if I’m sounding like a downer. I don’t think this resignation will last long, but it’s how I feel right now, and I’m indulging it.
Same size. Same bra.
Two.
Years.
Later.
August 6th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Oh my dear…now I’m going to have to come out there and give you a nudge…in two years, you have gone from yuck to yes, given birth to your FOURTH child (and each one takes a bigger toll – it’s God’s way of getting us to stop) and you have something that is the same size?
Laura, Laura, Laura…if you don’t have to buy wider, longer, or stronger, you are a hero. There is nothing in my life that stays the same for two years. Always bigger, everything, even my shoes, are bigger.
You are doing much better than you will allow yourself to believe, but fortunately, we believe.
I’m very happy, though, that you realize that you (and most of us) can’t be complacent. You have to be aware that your body needs nourishment, exercise and affirmation.
You have already figured it out!
The same size? Not in my life.
Jan
August 6th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
BUT! You’re healthier. That’s a good thing.
Not that I want to interrupt your pity party. I mean, I’ve been having a few myself lately, so I really should just let you indulge too, eh? 😉
Hope you feel better soon. 🙂
August 6th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
I totally know where you are coming from. I feel all blah and yuck right now. I’ve lost all interest in eating my healthy menu. For the time being I’m being a brat about the whole thing and stomping my feet and screaming NOOOOOOOOO at everyone. So…I know where you are coming from. Really. I do.
August 7th, 2007 at 9:24 am
What I am wondering is how stretched out was your old bra? After 2 years, I couldn’t still be the same size, mine never are. So it’s the same size as it was 2 years ago, which probably means you had gotten bigger and then went back down. I would be so happy to get into a brand new bra the size I was 2 years ago. 😉
i use to have to tell myself in high school, ‘yeah, my friend is skinnier than me, but at least I can walk up a flight of stairs without being winded’
August 8th, 2007 at 9:52 am
When I loose weight it always comes out of my FEET first. I am now almost a AAA width in my feet, with the same waistline. THen it comes off my breasts, which I can ill afford. Never the waist. IT’s one of God’s little jokes I think.
August 8th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I think we’ve all been there, but remembering that you are wiser and it’s so much better than going up. And hey–didn’t you have a kid in between those two years.
You are a rockstar with cool Fluevogs and beautiful children and an amazing body that is learning and getting better every day.
Keep up the fight!