I exercised once this week. Didn’t eat well.

My days always START out well. Once late afternoon hits however, all my resolve goes away. I wish I knew why, because in the mornings, it’s truly easy to eat healthy and avoid bad things.

I’m not weighing myself.

I’ve had a hard time getting back to no sugar, which is a shame, because my skin is returning to normal. That’s not a bad thing, but I’m disappointed in myself. I was interested to see what continuing with the cut in sugar would do for me outside of weight loss, or lack thereof.

I’m going to continue to work on exercising, cutting sugar and eating healthy, but I can’t focus on the pounds anymore. I don’t seem to be able to control them, no matter what I do, and it irritates me. I know this is a totally yo-yo attitude for me, but this week, I’m swearing off the scale again. I truly appreciate your tolerance with me. You’ve been excessively kind.

To be honest, if I owned a sledgehammer, my scale would be in little bitty pieces right now. As it is, I spent a considerable amount of time this week thinking of something else I could sufficiently smash it with, to no avail, so instead I just fantasized about obliterating it.

That was almost as good. It made me smile.

I contemplated just going out to the driveway and throwing it repeatedly against the concrete, then stomping on it…. but I live in a neighborhood, and although I don’t make a habit of altering my behavior for the sake of others’ opinions of me, I thought that a public demonstration like that is something I’d come to regret.

Besides, if I removed myself from the situation and pictured it from the bystander’s perspective, seeing a middle aged, overweight woman going postal on a digital scale on her driveway seems pathetic in a way I didn’t want to attach myself to.

For the moment, the scale is safe. Besides, Clark likes to play with it.

All of this being said, I feel good. I’m not depressed. I’ve felt pretty all week, and I’m excited that I’ve (at least this week) given up waiting to shrink to knit another sweater for myself. I’m going to dye and spin up that romney, and make a nice, big, roomy sweater. For me. The way I am now. And it’ll look fantastic .