It’s funny that I can go straight from that last post to this one. The feelings in both posts are accurate and sincere, and completely different.

Am I mental?

Anyway, I stayed home from church yesterday with my nitpicked children, and worked on sweaters.

The back of Abby’s sweater is done.

While it was wet and blocking, I looked through the yarn stash to see what I might use for the next kid’s sweater. I found that old kimono I was making for Veronica 2-4 years ago, can’t remember. It’s the only knitting I can think of that I’ve ever decided not to finish. The garter stitch is truly horrible.

I’m planning to make the Esther Williams hat into a sweater for V,

and I think I have enough of the purple to do it. Plus, I have a skein of a moderately darker purple that I might use to do the crocheted scallops around the neck, fronts, bottom, and sleeves. It’ll be an extremely feminine and fancy little sweater.

Ignore the red.

So we frogged it.

It made the most delightfully fluffy, curly yarn. The girls and I all ooohed and ahhhhhed. But we soaked it to straighten it out, and now it’s hanging in my bathroom to dry.

So far, this venture of knitting them all a sweater is really fun.

It’s been a rough few days. I’m tired of spending the first few hours of every day picking nits out of hair. (I’m writing this on Monday, pretending it’s Saturday for continuity’s sake, but my fatigue and attitude are most definitely inclusive of Sunday and Monday morning).

This afternoon (Saturday) we went to Nordstrom so I could buy a new bra. They still have the same bra I bought two two years go. Today, I bought one in the exact same size. Sigh. I know that the last two years of Health Group haven’t been a complete waste, but at this precise moment, it feels like they have.

The same size.

I’m always the same size.

It never changes, no matter what I do.

(The last two statements aren’t technically true, but it’s how I feel).

Now, I know that years ago, after the massive and rapid weight gain, but before the perpetual yet insufficient efforts to change, I was SO much worse off that I am now. I had no energy. No self esteem. And I couldn’t take a casual walk around the corner of the block from our apartment to church without being seriously winded.

(We’re not talking far, here. It was extremely pathetic).

I played softball a few weeks ago and didn’t die. It actually felt good. This is huge. This is worth it. I am healthier than I would have been if I hadn’t continued Health Group.

Why do I feel like such a loser?

The same size. The same bra.

I don’t think I have the heart to focus on weight loss for a little while, but I’m going to continue to try to be good to my body. To exercise it and make sure it gets the nutrients it needs. I may eat more calories than I should at times, but thanks to what I’ve learned from Calorie King, I can make sure that I at least give my body enough, and consistently.

Sorry if I’m sounding like a downer. I don’t think this resignation will last long, but it’s how I feel right now, and I’m indulging it.

Same size. Same bra.

Two.

Years.

Later.

If it does, and you combine it with the image of three girls and SIX HOURS, well, I really wouldn’t blame you for saying, “better her than me.”

Haircuts yesterday went much quicker than I expected and revealed, well, I can’t even type the word. I tried and almost retched.

So, Veronica was already up for a chin-bob-wedge.

She’d been begging me to cut her hair for months.

Liv got talked into it, though if that isn’t a forced smile, I don’t know what is. And that’s before we found the, uh, you know.

We cut 12 inches off of her hair. I measured.

She LOVES it.

Then it was Abby’s turn. Abby was quietly crying on the couch and I asked her to talk about it. She gave the saddest story of how they use school pictures on lunch cards that everyone sees all year long. In second grade, she thought her picture with her short hair was so ugly, and last year, (she smiled a little), her picture was kinda pretty with longer hair.

Mom dies of heartache here, and is SO glad she took the time to listen first instead of insisting (as is her tendency) that the girl get her butt up on the chair for a haircut.

The problem is that Abby has the most sensitive scalp of the lot, and I was convinced she’d spend the entire combing process screaming at me, as is her tendency, when there aren’t bugs involved.

Anyway, today sucked. Last night sucked. And I’m not even done yet. Nate brought thai food. I’m not usually an emotional eater, but I guess that this situation threw me over. Now I’m thinking about ice cream.

I took a brief break this afternoon to knit a little on Abby’s sweater. I’m so happy with it.

Oh, and my bra broke, so I have to go bra shopping again, which is LAAAAAME! And I ripped open the wound on my finger that was supposed to be closed up by now. (I almost cut the end off on Sunday while chopping onions).

Good times.

I’m about 8 inches up the back.

I’m feeling a little stupid. I swatched, blocked, and measured. Abby’s chest measures 27 inches. The pamphlet I have for basic patterns and yardage suggests a 32 inch sweater for Abby’s age. That seems extreme. I’ve heard that 4 inches is a good ease for a comfortable fit, but percentage-wise, that seems way too much for a kid, and this pattern suggestion would be 5 inches. So, the swatch measured at 5.5 stitches to the inch. I figured that if I followed the 32 inch pattern for a gauge of 5 stitches to the inch, it’d be a good compromise, not taking the extra twenty seconds to do the math, ’til I was 5 or 6 inches into it. So, instead of the back being 16 inches across, it’s going to be 14.5. Which will give me a 29 inch sweater. That’s still bigger around than her chest measurement, but it’s closer than I’d wanted.

Should I add a little bit of extra width on the two fronts?

To back up a bit, we did some sketches a couple of weeks ago, and Abby picked her style. Open front, tie at the top, set in and flared sleeves, deep scoop neck, simple stitch pattern. She picked a couple of stitch patterns, which I swatched, and we decided on the mock cable eyelet, size 7 needle. I’m going to follow the 32 inch pattern from the Handy Book of Sweater Patterns, modifying it somewhat to fit.

Today, the girls are getting haircuts. I’m not a fast haircutter, so it’s probably going to take much of the day.

My feet hurt already.

Well, Monday morning I was a total task master, and we got the house cleaner. I don’t think it’ll ever be totally clean again, but it was looking pretty good, so I put Clark down for a nap and took the girls out. We picked up Liv’s glasses, which were in for replacement after Clark broke them the second time in 2 weeks. We went to Hancock Fabrics to get liner for a skirt I’ve been wanting to make Abigail. They were having a big summer sale, so we came home with material for 2 more skirts from the clearance piles. The liners cost double what the outer fabrics did.

Then we hit the bead store.

Each of the girls picked out beads to make earrings, and the owner sat with them and showed us all how to do it. When the holes in Liv’s stones were too small, the lady got up and found an excellent substitute for them. She was so cool.

I bought some round tipped pliers for $7, and a bunch of those D hook things to make more earrings at home.

Yesterday, we extended an open invitation to the sisters-in-law and cousins to come and visit and make earrings. At 10:30, Hilary came and we played with colors and shapes. She left with 5 or 6 pair. At about 2:00, Emily came and made a number of earrings. She left at around 4:30, then at 6 or so, Angie came by. We looked at the earrings, talked about how to make them, and then I taught her how to knit.

She’s a natural.

She left a little after 10, I was still in my pajama pants, I’d been beading and swatching all day, and my house was once again completely trashed. It was a very good day. We planned a camping trip for next week without the men. Maybe we’ll bring beads.

I’ve been swatching for a sweater for Abigail. The swatches are blocking now, but I think I know which one I’m going for.

(totally rotten picture)

I want to make each of the kids a sweater/cardigan for the fall. I have Abby’s pretty much designed in my head, a good start on Veronica’s design, and not the slightest clue what I want to do for Liv, ‘though I’ve found a stitch pattern I’m going to explore. Clark will be last, so I haven’t given his much thought, other than I’d like it to have a hood.

Additionally, I’ve finished the handspun scarf that never made it to the sidebar’s WIP section. It still needs to be blocked.

And the Daisy Swatch Turned Scarf has been finished and worn. It is pretty, but doesn’t hold its block very well.

So today, it’s back to cleaning the house. Again.