Sorry, it’s not going to be a terribly interesting post today. I’m meeting with an attorney later this morning. It’ll be my first time working with an attorney, ever. I’m really in a fit over it. Not just the attorney, but the whole situation. It’s been awful, and I’m convinced that the recent events pertaining to it all have been the cause of my headaches, nausea, and the fact that my fingernails are bit down to scabs.

I didn’t do any knitting yesterday. I could have, in light of the fact that I did almost nothing else, but I didn’t. In fact, I was either wandering around the house in a stupor, or staring at the TV, which NEVER happens. Hopefully, once I sign with the atty, things will be better, and I won’t have to worry as much. Hopefully, he’ll take care of everything. He made a comment, in an email, that once I sign with him, he’ll call my insurance company and reschedule an IME. That by itself gives me hope. I was dreading having to call that woman again. Hopefully, he’ll do ALL the future communication with her. I don’t want to.

For those of you who are in the dark, and I’m guessing it’s almost all of you, I was in a car accident almost two years ago that was not my fault. All five of us were in the car, heading to the mall, when a car ran a stop sign at full speed and hit my door going over 30 miles an hour. I will be forever grateful I was in my Ford Expedition, because our front axel snapped, the tire on the opposite side of the car blew out, and our car caved in on that side. Because I was so high up, it caved in below my seat. If I had been in a passenger car, I would have been creamed. Smooshed. Pulverized. Pick one, they all apply. Olivia would have been too, because she was right behind me. She was 3.

I’ve been in active treatment and therapy ever since. My body is taking its own. sweet. time. recovering. I am not a gold digger, so I didn’t begin working with an attorney until things got ugly with the insurance companies (surprise, surprise), and I needed one. Which of course made things worse because I’ve already botched some things in my ignorance that wouldn’t have been botched if I’d hired an attorney from the get-go. I need to stop stressing about that.

So, my insurance company has suspended my PIP until I see one of “their” doctors. The joys. I thought they were on my side until I had to reschedule and I got a nasty, threatening letter from them. From MY insurance company. What’s up with that? That letter disintegrated ANY trust or confidence I had felt, and now I feel naked and vulnerable. I’m more upset than I even thought, because now I’m crying. Breathe, girl.

The accident is what enabled me to knit the shawl I talked about yesterday. I spent a phenomenal amount of time sitting. At doctor’s offices. At massage appointments. At home. Just sitting, and knitting. I could never knit a shawl like that again in a matter of months. Well, I HOPE nothing ever happens to me again that would enable it, but if it does, I’m knitting another lace shawl. It’s interesting, but I’m glad I have the shawl, and that I remember what I was going through as I knit it. Somehow, it’s more meaningful than if I’d spent the time knitting an assortment of little projects that would end up who-knows-where.

There are many, many, many things in my life that were horribly disrupted by the accident, of course. One small example is my dog. He was five months old when I was hit. Instead of spending his first spring and summer out at the parks getting socialized like I had planned, I was driving to therapy appointments. Five medical appointments each week. I had a large, socially inept puppy, a four year old, a three year old, an 18 month old, and back pain. My life sucked. I went to a “specialist” 8 months after the accident to try to figure out why I wasn’t improving. He told me to lose weight and wait for my children to grow up so I wouldn’t be bending over so much. That’s funny, I was fat and had little children BEFORE the accident, and my back didn’t hurt then.

It wasn’t ’til months later, when I went to a real doctor that ordered an MRI, that we learned I had a torn disc. Among other things. And when I started physical therapy, and the therapist looked over the reports, he essentially said, “Wow, small children and a torn disc. You must have been in incredible pain last year.”

Why yes, yes I was. In fact, I still am.

I know, I’m ranting. It’s been a hard couple of years. I want to be done. Did I tell you I’m getting another injection? Remember the trauma of my last one? Well, I do. Can any rational person think I would be doing all of this if I didn’t HAVE to?

I’ve finished and bound off the main bag part with flap. Now, I’m going to knit the strap. A big thanks to the ladies at Thursday night knitting group for the strap suggestions. Once the strap is done, I’ll felt the thing, throw up with anxiety, then look at adding pockets.

I received my Christmas present from my mother-in-law on Saturday. It is quite beautiful, although it isn’t as shiny as the picture leads you to believe. Anyhow, the pin part is really nice, so I pinned and wore my red lace shawl, (which you still haven’t seen yet, sorry), on Sunday. Every time I wear the shawl, it snags on something, so I’m constantly in repair mode with it. I figure, I didn’t spend 5 1/2 months of my life knitting a gorgeous lace shawl just to keep it stuffed in a corner in my closet, so I wear it anyway. It looked great. The pin held it perfectly. I know it sounds silly, but unless you’ve experienced trying to pin things, you won’t understand how it really takes a good pin to hold something right. I’m glad this one is good, considering how amazingly expensive it was.

I am getting SO excited for the spinning class I’m taking with Hayden on February 12th. Quite frankly, I think I could use the relaxation. Spinning is so rhythmic, so calming, so beautiful an art… And I wanna be there, baby. Right now I am actively ignoring the fact that I don’t own a wheel, and that I will continue to not own a wheel after the class, but that is not pleasant thinking, so I am simply trotting on, looking forward to my class.

Nate brought home a couple of Olympus digital cameras to test for a month for magazine review. I get to have FUN! I’m very excited because while I am so grateful for the camera that cousin Elisa gave me back in May, it’ll be nice to play with more megapixels, which translates to some sharper images. Not to mention the thrill of new toys. Too bad they have to go back.